Published: August 27, 2008 01:17 am            

DUVALL: Reconnecting to the grid

First, a thanks to all who expressed concern and sympathy after last week’s column on being mugged.

And now, a follow-up: The aftermath.

If you thought being held with a knife to your neck was scary, you should try calling the bank. My wallet was stolen during the whole ordeal and the contents therein proved elusive to get back.

A brief rundown:

The police report

My first stop the day after it happened was the police station to obtain a copy of the report. Of course, the only person in the entire station in Buffalo who can print them out for people wasn’t there. He’d be back, the woman at the desk assured me. I opted to go to lunch and come back.

One egg salad sandwich later, I returned.

“Are you Eric DuVall?” the officer asked.

“Yes, I’m here to pick up a police report.”

“Yeah, I tried to call you ...”

“Uhh, it was my cell phone that was stolen,” I replied with as little sarcasm as possible.

“That would explain why it wasn’t working,” the officer said. “Those reports aren’t available for 72 hours.”

OK, a wasted hour of my time, but accidents happen. He did, however, call me back three days later (when a replacement phone was actually working) to let me know I could pick it up.

The DMV

The women at the City of Tonawanda DMV office were actually quite nice and helpful. They told me I could get the replacement copy of my driver’s license for free — with a slip from the police that would have come with the report I hadn’t yet received. I opted to pay the $15 rather than come back again two days later.

The new license has yet to arrive, but the temporary one has got me covered.

The bank

Ugh, here’s where it gets complicated. I bank with HSBC, which has had its share of issues lately.

I canceled my bank card first thing when I got home after the incident. Simple enough, they said the new one was in the mail.

The new one arrived Monday, a week’s turnaround and a few days before I expected it.

Of course, even after activating the card, it wouldn’t work. It kept getting declined.

I called the customer service number. I waded through about five automated menus asking me for information until I finally found one that allowed me to “press zero to speak with a customer service representative.”

I pressed zero — and waited for about 20 minutes for “Lucielle” with a thick Indian accent to answer.

I politely explained my problem. She said she had to put me back on hold and speak with the security department.

Another 20 minutes went by.

Lucielle returned, offering some quixotic advice: “The card will work with the PIN number.”

“OK,” I said. “What about for purchases where I can’t use a PIN? It’s supposed to function as a credit card, too.”

“Try it, and if it doesn’t work, give us a call back.”

I was, needless to say, perplexed and more than a little annoyed.

“Why should I go have it declined and call back — and wait on hold for another 45 minutes — just to have you do something you could do while I’m on the phone right now?”

“Hold on,” she said. “Let me talk to the security department again.”

She came back, after another extended experience listening to HSBC’s lovely (read: awful) jazz fusion hold music. Her advice hadn’t changed.

“Umm, can I speak with someone from the security department myself?” I asked.

“No, you’re calling from an outside line,” Lucielle said.

After some extended haggling about this, she managed to conference in someone from the vaunted security department. Thirty seconds later, my problem was fixed.

Call time was something like 46 minutes, about five of which were spent talking to an actual (if unhelpful) person.

Similar stories abound with utility companies, though I won’t bore you with the details.

What have I learned from this? One thing, really: I think I preferred being off the grid for a week to the frustration of reconnecting with our overly bureaucratic society’s various institutions.

Managing Editor Eric DuVall’s column appears every Wednesday and Sunday. Contact him at

693-1000, ext. 112 or by e-mail to duvalle@gnnewspaper.com.

        

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