Tonawanda News

Columns

May 30, 2013

Thoughts on a marriage

Tonawanda News — It’s difficult to wrap my brain around.

My little brother, my only sibling — the kid who bit me when he was a toddler, threw a shoe at me when he was about 8 (and blamed me for the broken window when I ducked), drove me nuts when I was babysitting him, confounded me as a teenager — is not only a grown-up, responsible member of society these days, he’s tying the knot soon with a wonderful woman.

While it makes this big sis feel sort of old, I’m happy for them, too. And sort of introspective about the whole thing. I used to swear we were about as different as siblings could probably be, but the older I get, the more I realize we’re more alike than I ever thought possible. (Sorry, bro.) And I feel like I want to offer a little something that’s more than just a card and a check and a dance at the wedding.

Paper is supposed to be the traditional gift for the first anniversary, but I’m going to jump the gun a little. Here’s a bit of paper for the upcoming nuptials. Take it for the newsprint it’s printed upon, and the sincerity behind the words.

• People will tell you never to go to bed angry with your spouse. And I suppose it’s good advice not to let things fester, etc.

But you will.

There will be days you’ll go to bed absolutely furious. Maybe even broken-hearted. You will. It’s going to happen. People are fallible (yes, even you). You’ll both say things that hurt at some point.

And I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe going to bed angry is not always a bad thing. It gives you time to think about why you feel the way you do. Why your spouse feels the way she does. What’s behind the anger and the hurt. And by the time the next day rolls around, maybe you’ll have a little more perspective than you did before, and a better way to communicate it.

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