Tonawanda News


November 27, 2013

DUVALL: The annual un-Thanksgiving list


Tonawanda News — No, it isn’t.

• Congress! Yes, I — and nearly all of you — am in no way thankful for Congress. They shut down the federal government because they couldn’t agree on the way they agreed to not shut down the federal government the last time they almost shut down the federal government. And they got paid to do it.

God bless America!

My favorite congressional discontent fun fact: I read a recent poll that showed only 3 percent of Americans approved of the job Congress is doing. The margin of error was 3.4 percent. So it’s statistically plausible literally no one likes these people.

• Thanksgiving shopping. Only in America can we not stuff our faces fast enough in the meal meant to offer thanks for all the stuff we have in order to run out and get more stuff.

Black Friday is now starting a week early. I wonder how long until retailers realize the natural marketing tie-in between “Black” Friday and Halloween? Maybe I shouldn’t have said that out loud. 

The reality is the longer the holidays last, the more we spend our money with all the discipline of a sailor on shore leave. Fifty percent off?! And all I have to do is stand outside in a blinding snowstorm in the middle of the night in a parking lot with a bunch of people ready to trample me because I’m first in line? Sign me up!

Never mind the 50 percent off is more like 20 percent off when you factor in how much more expensive everything is in the third quarter of the year. And items that actually are a bargain are in such short stock you’ve got a better chance of getting run over in the parking lot than landing your must-have thingamajigger. 

Have fun out there. And bring a thermos. Makes a handy club when the last Tickle-Me-Elmo is up for grabs.

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