Tonawanda News — • The Macy’s Thanksgiving parade. Really, I never liked that parade. It’s cheesy as all get-out. Those gigantic balloons are terrifying and that’s when they’re not getting wrapped around lamp posts and deflating, making for a limp muppet that now looks like a deranged floating gargoyle.
This year, the parade, perhaps the last bastion of politics-free political correctness, was marred — marred, they say! — by politics. The cattle farmers in South Dakota disliked Joan Jett because she’s a vegetarian and animal activist — which wouldn’t be a problem but for the state tourism board’s selection of same Jett to perform on their float.
Let’s start here: Who knew South Dakota had a tourism board? What could they possibly do to earn a paycheck? “If mountains carved to look like people and vast tracts of barren wilderness are your thing, HAVE WE GOT A STATE FOR YOU!”
Second, Joan Jett has one song everybody knows (and it’s a cover): “I Love Rock and Roll.”
It’s about time someone asked the real question: Why do South Dakota cattle farmers hate rock and roll??
OK. There’s your 2013 un-Thanksgiving list. You’re welcome. Enjoy the holiday, everyone. And, as always, try not to run anyone over at Walmart.
Eric DuVall is the managing editor of the Tonawanda News. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow him on Twitter, @EricRDuVall.