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November 29, 2013

This is why it's the most wonderful time of the year

Tonawanda News — Welcome to the day after Thanksgiving. You survived your tryptophan coma, came out of it so nicely you can read black ink on gray paper and can now begin your celebratory slide through the rest of the year.

This is how we do it where I live. First, if you’re one of the 41 million people going somewhere this weekend, go there, or go home, or go there and then come home. This year it’s only a four-and-one-half-week interval between now and New Year’s Eve, so plan appropriately.

Now, think of the calendar as one festive month, named December. If you work, acknowledge little will get done this month; the same will happen for your customers and your competitors, so don’t worry about it.

All right, Thanksgiving came and went. (As did the first day of Hanukkah, arriving early and coinciding with Thanksgiving. I’m tempted to say the turkey leftovers will last eight days, but that’s courtesy of David Letterman.)

Concentrate now on “Black Friday,” the day your nation compels you to pull the economy from the Dumpster by patronizing retail facilities, of which there are too many because there’s a surfeit of people with business degrees who need to do something. Thrill to the lack of variety in stores, and admit no one does customer service like the Americans. 

Same thing with online retailing, minus the happy glow of helpful clerks. When you shop online you tend to believe (or disbelieve) whatever the catalog says your product is, does, can be or does for you. Marvel at the way no one does copywriting like the Americans.

Need a lightening, brightening of Christmas spirit? Of course you do, so watch a few movies on the Hallmark Channel, that well of newly produced feel-good holiday epics, old-school tales in which someone always “learns the true meaning of Christmas.”

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