Tonawanda News

Columns

January 19, 2014

DUVALL: Obama's un-stately State of the Union

Tonawanda News — President Obama will deliver his fifth State of the Union address in nine days. Here are some of the things he probably won’t say:

“Mr. Speaker, Congress, the American people, I stand before you today presiding over an economy that is still pretty crappy. I’ve got some small bore ideas you’re going to hear all about in a minute — elected representatives, feel free to stand and clap or boo, it’s pretty much your only job here tonight — but first, I must say for the record, the state of our union is strong. Except for Texas. I think they’re still debating secession.

Texas notwithstanding, there are millions of our fellow Americans out of work. Rather than try to help them keep the lights from being shut off, we’re yanking their unemployment benefits. So, you know, that’s a decent idea. Good work, people.

This could be OK if we had anything resembling industrial policy to help them find jobs in this country but we don’t. The plan, as I’ve laid out numerous times before, is to continue to allow developing countries to do the tough jobs most Americans are now too lazy to do while we make vast sums of money selling each other cellphones and fast food cheeseburgers.

We have not raised the minimum wage in a generation and as a result, all those cheeseburger sellers can’t afford to buy anything besides their own dollar menu items. 

Did I mention the dollar menu cheeseburger at McDonald’s is now $1.29? That sucks. It should still be 99 cents. That’s why I’m calling on lawmakers to pass my landmark Dollar Menu Preservation Act, requiring all fast food restaurants to charge no more than a dollar for that stuff.

[BIPARTISAN STANDING OVATION]

Speaking of fatty foods, we’re all getting a little thick around the middle these days. That’s why we passed Obamacare, to prevent health insurance companies from dropping people due to pre-existing conditions. In 20 years when eight in 10 Americans has Type II diabetes, you’re going to be real happy we did that.

Text Only
Columns
  • DuVall, Eric mug.jpg DUVALL: In defense of the Common Core They've become the two dirtiest words in education, but the Common Core is very much worth defending.

    April 20, 2014 1 Photo

  • tucker, barb.jpg TUCKER: Bits and pieces from out and about Ever since it was restored and opened, the Hotel @ Lafayette in downtown Buffalo has fascinated me. Last Monday, the Preservation Buffalo Niagara offered a tour of the hotel led by developer Rocco Termini.

    April 19, 2014 1 Photo

  • mug - adamczyk.jpg ADAMCZYK: Kenmore is a village made of bricks Buffalo and surrounding environs have brick buildings galore, often in the process of repurpose. Whole neighborhoods made of brick await development, redevelopment, gentrification, whatever wand will be waved at them to make them function again. Structures here tend not to be razed; they fall down occasionally but typically simply stand and wait.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • leffler, scott.jpg LEFFLER: Justice is blind -- and deaf and dumb I've always been intrigued by the concept of justice. I say concept because it really seems more theoretical to me than practical. One man's justice is another man's nightmare.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • confer, bob.jpg CONFER: Don't go soft on teenage criminals

    April 16, 2014 1 Photo

  • DuVall, Eric mug.jpg For Sabres, more suffering is on tap

    April 15, 2014 1 Photo

  • tucker, barb.jpg TUCKER: Taking down trees 'disheartening' Several readers have questioned the City of Tonawanda's tree removal program. An email to Jenna Koch, who represents the third ward and checks into any query on the city, explained the program.


    April 12, 2014 1 Photo

  • mug - adamczyk.jpg [Duplicate] ADAMCZYK: Letterman was on my side The announcement that Mr. Letterman is retiring from his groundbreaking television program, sometime in 2015, is already old news, but it gives opportunity to ponder a few truisms about history and modern life.

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Leffler Mug 041114 [Duplicate] LEFFLER: 'Need to know' a double-edged sword Inquisitive doesn't begin to describe me. I must know everything. About everything. I hate being in the dark. I guess that's what makes my career choice so very obvious. I think "must know everything" is at the top of most journalists' trait lists.

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Wallace, Amy BW mug WALLACE: Airplane coverage has gone awry I don't know about you, but I am so sick of the cable news stations' constant coverage of the missing Malaysia Airlines jet.

    April 10, 2014 1 Photo