Tonawanda News —
SITUATION: Arts and crafts.
PENNY: Gets her Picasso on.
RIGBY: Paints for four minutes. Brings out the water cup in which to wash the brushes. Wants to fill the little paint cups with water. Ends up in the bathroom filling the sink with water. Complains that his shirt is wet, honestly baffled by the result.
SITUATION: Get ready for school.
PENNY: (Eventually) gets dressed, brushes her teeth, looks fantastic.
RIGBY: Ends up naked, butt pointing upward, having to be dragged into the bathroom to take care of things.
PENNY: Cozies up in her bed, sleeps until 7ish.
RIGBY: Ends up in my bed, butt pointing upward, tossing and turning until it’s determined I need to be up with him at 4:50 a.m.
SITUATION: I need to use the bathroom. I leave them in the living room for five minutes.
PENNY: Reads “Junie B. Jones.”
RIGBY: Becomes an interior design critic. Determines the hallway walls are missing one thing: mustard. Takes the redesign into his own hands. Ends up with his butt pointing upward (yeah, it’s a theme in our house) laughing about his handiwork when I emerge.
Now, this is not to knock my son’s intelligence. He’s quite the genius. He was just named Student of the Month. So he’s brilliant. He just makes choices that are sometimes ... lacking.
If you ask his mother, I do as well. But I don’t remember doing things quite like this. I guess that’s one of the advantages of having bad habits that are outgrown early in life.
These habits are outgrown, right? And early? Because I love my kids dearly, but the sooner I stop finding Catalina in the toilet paper roll, the better.
Contact Paul Lane at firstname.lastname@example.org.