Tonawanda News — I hate onions.
I hate their taste. I hate their smell. I hate them raw. I hate them cooked.
I will not eat them in a box ... I will not eat them with a fox ... OK, well, you get what I mean.
All of the above is true, but I wonder sometimes if part of my distaste for the noxious root stems from the fact that chopping them is, for me, an hour-long descent into hell. Most people I know tear up when cutting onions. I dissolve.
My eyes burn and tear and eventually swell shut. My nose runs as its interior lining burns. Tasteful, eh? These symptoms can continue for hours, occasionally days. It might be psychosomatic in a way — I really don’t like onions — but a day or two ago I asked my husband to pick up a plain yellow onion at the store and my eyes and nose started to burn just thinking about it.
So, mostly, I make the aforementioned husband chop the darned onions if he wants them in a stew or soup or some other dish. But the division of time and labor in our house is such that sometimes I just have to wince, pull out a knife and do it. I’d use a gas mask if I could, but (1) I don’t have one and (2) it’s just not practical, so what’s a cook to do?
Well, Pinterest is just full of onion-chopping tips. If even one worked, it would be an experiment well-chosen. I bought a number of onions, planned on oniony beef stew for dinner one evening and grimly set forth.
I started with the most complicated tip. Take an onion. Peel it. Start with the bottom end, where the roots are. Cut a cone out, being sure to remove and pitch that entire section.