Published: April 08, 2007 01:59 am      

LIFESTYLE: Thinking outside the shower

Jillian Stabler had something at her bridal shower that not every bride gets to have — a great time.

That’s mostly because her maid of honor and other shower organizers knew the Lockport native wasn’t, in her own words, “not a game person,” and wanted something “short and sweet.”

“The shower was in June, and when it’s nice weather out, people don’t want to spend their entire Sunday afternoon playing shower games for four, five hours,” said Stabler, who now lives with her husband Sean Stabler in Virginia. “We just played the clothespin game, and that was it.”

If you find yourself with no idea what the “clothespin game” could be, it’s likely that you’ve never been to a full-on, traditional bridal shower before. Some might say you’ve missed out on some decades-old traditions; some might think back on their part in “the celebrity game” and cringe just a little.

There are, however, not only alternatives but means of escape. Like modern weddings themselves, the bridal shower is increasingly planned, tailored to a bride’s every whim and, of course, full of consumer choices to make.

Marilyn Oliveira, senior editor at WedingChannel.com, said that for the most part, bridal showers still incorporate the basic elements of gifts, a few games, food and cake.

But “themed” showers are increasingly popular, including showers centered around a “high tea” at a banquet facility or hotel, wine-tasting showers where everybody brings a bottle, or even a “spa day” shower, where everybody gets to relax and meet up later for the traditional stuff.

“A lot of couples are getting married a lot older, and many couples have a house that’s already outfitted by the time the shower comes around,” Oliveira said.

Grooms have occasionally shown up at the end of a shower to take part in one or two games and perhaps hand out flowers. But a growing tradition is to invite a groom and his groomsmen to either a “co-ed shower” or an after-party.

“It gives the wedding party a chance to meet each other before the event and get to know each other,” Oliveira said. “It’s also a way for the men not to feel left out.”

Catering a shower to a bride’s tastes and making it more inclusive does present a problem if the shower is intended to be a complete secret. For some brides, honesty is the best policy when talking to the shower planners.

“I just told (my maid of honor) what I liked ... and I really told her what I didn’t like,” Stabler said. What she didn’t like, she said, was something like another shower she had attended — five hours long, on an 80-degree day, with the guests struggling to make toilet paper dresses for pretend brides between games like “bridal bingo” and “how well do you know your groom?”

Games don’t have to be necessarily mandated, or boring. Many modern wedding-planning sites, such as TheKnot.com and WeddingChannel.com (which are now merged), and a few Google searches can pull up a few choice suggestions.

Or planners can get creative — try replacing the “guess which celebrity I am” game with a more participatory game, “famous couples Pictionary.” Traditional board games can also be adjusted to meet the wedding theme without venturing into deeply cheesy territory.

Looking back on her own shower, Stabler’s only regret is that it had actually run a bit longer than the two hours that were allotted. Mainly, she said, so she would have had time to talk to everybody more.

“It wasn’t overwhelming. It was a very smooth and fun day,” she said. “It was a great afternoon.”