Published: October 09, 2008 02:28 pm            

DOUBLE TROUBLE: Life on the whine trail

We’ve really been quite lucky with this whole “big brother” thing, I suppose.

After all, since the advent of baby Sam three months ago, Jim has really been very adaptable. Despite massive changes going on in his young life (Sam coincided with full-day preschool), he’s wonderful to the baby and hasn’t taken any of it out on him.

But there’s been one bit of fall-out from the upgrade to big brother status, a relatively minor but highly annoying habit that’s driving us absolutely nuts.

“Whhhhiiiiinnnneeeee ... ”

Parents, you know it. That aggravating, nails-on-the-chalkboard, wordless, high-pitched sound that gets on the nerves of adults everywhere — at home, in the grocery store, basically anywhere he can’t have exactly what he wants when he wants it.

And my kid is now the one making it.

A friend with three children says it’s a way to get the attention he sees us giving the baby — and even negative attention will do. Whatever it is, it’s by far the most obnoxious trait I’ve ever seen in my normally easy-going son — and it’s proved remarkably resistant to any number of anti-whine tactics.

• We’ve tried ignoring him. I’m pretty sure this is ultimately the best way to handle it, but that’s easier said than done.

I’ve begun to think one of the ultimate tests of parenthood — right up there with how you deal with the baby waking up for the 10th time in an hour for the fifth night in a row — is ignoring a 3-year-old who’s in the middle of a full-blown, drawn-out whine snit. Especially without resorting to wine yourself.

• We’ve tried laughing at him, trying to make him see how silly he looks. That was a disaster, because Jim has the soul of a stand-up comedian and there’s nothing he loves more than making people laugh. On the good side, it led to a brief stint of Jim mock-whining, then laughing at himself. I may hate seeing him whine, but I love seeing him laugh.

• We’ve tried explaining why he shouldn’t do it, complete with that familiar parental refrain, “Use your words!” In the short term, we get a tearful “OK.” It may even work for a while. But then the baby needs something and parental attention is distracted and ... whhhhhhiiiiinnnneeee ...

• We’ve tried minor punishments such as sending him to his room for a time, which just leads to further escalation of the whine and frustration on both sides. Still, it’s a way of removing the desired reaction — attention from mom or dad — and probably a viable last-ditch tactic. I just hate hearing my boy crying “Mooommmy” from his room ...

• I even tried whining back at him one night when especially exasperated. The reaction — drop-jawed amazement, then annoyance — was pretty priceless but didn’t really accomplish much. Even if it had, I don’t really see it as an option in the midst of the grocery store.

The problem is, I’m pretty sure he considers himself justified. Maybe, in a way, he is. After all, the baby is getting an awful lot of attention right now — attention that used to be Jim’s alone. Our role as parents is just to tough it out and keep showing why whining is not a good way to get what you want.

I guess we’ll keep on ignoring the whine with an occasional dose of “Use your words” until things settle down. I keep telling myself that will eventually happen.

Pllllleeeeeaaassseee ...

Jill Keppeler is a page designer for Greater Niagara Newspapers. Contact her at keppelerj@msn.com.

        

• Click to discuss this story with other readers on our forums.