Tonawanda News — All of a sudden, I’m getting to feel like a bit of an ol’ pro at this fatherhood thing.
A co-worker recently had a son, and another co-worker is expecting a son of his own any day now.
Seeing and hearing their tales, I can’t get help but get a smidge sentimental. I can still recite with military precision Penny’s and Rigby’s birth weight. I can remember going on two hours of sleep a night for three straight weeks early in Penny’s life. I am able to relay to my colleagues information on those critical early-parenthood queries (they will start sleeping through the night eventually — I promise).
While I am a long, long way from being a parental expert, I have gained five years of information on the subject that a handful of people might find marginally useful. In honor of the newly minted fathers that I know, I shall drop some of this knowledge now.
• Once that child comes, you know nothing. Accept that. Also know that it will come to you.
• There are only a handful of absolutely vital things to do in order to ensure safety. Cradle the back of their heads for a while. Feed them. Change them. Don’t drop them. Don’t leave them in the back of the car when you go in the store. Love them. Don’t dangle them over a balcony. The rest will take care of itself.
• Be the best example you can be. But don’t try to be perfect, because you’re not. They need to see this eventually — and they will love you regardless. They will also love correcting you.
• Every outfit will either become soiled beyond useability or outgrown by your child within six to nine weeks. Clear out storage room in the basement, keep relatives up to date on your child’s current sizes and consider some stock options in Carter’s or Osh Kosh.