Tonawanda News


May 21, 2012

Some tips for the fathers-to-be


Tonawanda News —

• Remember that they absorb everything you do, even when you don’t think so. And when they grin and innocently eek out their first curse word (which was probably learned on that show you watched with them even though you knew you shouldn’t), just TRY to punish them, what with that giant grin of satisfaction they’re wearing.

• Children don’t unlearn the word “no.”

• There’s nary a life event more magical than when you get that phone call summoning you to the hospital. And the timing will probably seem inconvenient for you. I blew off an interview with a local woman when I got the call that Penny was coming. When I found out that Rigby had been conceived, I blew off an interview with Kathy Griffin. And when Rigby was born, I was so sick that I vomited while Mommy had to deal with the labor pains by herself during my periods of intestinal instability.

But none of that will matter. That’s when two decades of sleep deprivation, financial struggles and personality conflicts will begin. You will be tired — like, always. You will find yourself going months at a time without adult conversation. There will be moments where you forget your name or if you put pants on.

It will be the ride of your life.

Congratulations to the new fathers I know and those I don’t. Enjoy the first days of the rest of your lives.

Contact Paul Lane


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