Tonawanda News


November 29, 2012

DUVALL: A dollar (or two) and a dream

Tonawanda News — They say all it takes is a dollar and a dream. That’s not entirely true for this week’s record $500 million Powerball jackpot, though.

It actually costs $2.

I haven’t bought a ticket yet, but I probably will. Unless I forget, which is plenty likely. But with so many people day-dreaming about such an incredible pot of gold I figured why not engage in some of it myself.

Here follows an abridged list of the things I could do if I had $500 million:

• I would pay my favorite band from my high school and college years, the Barenaked Ladies, to write a new song: “If I had $500 million.” Then I would rent out First Niagara Center for a free concert to have them play it — with all the original band members on stage.

• While we’re mentioning First Niagara Center, where the Buffalo Sabres aren’t playing right now, I would publicly offer to pay the $182 million separating the NHL owners and players in the lockout.

Perhaps the public shaming would move both sides to an agreement. If not, I’d buy the Phoenix Coyotes, being sold out of bankruptcy for pennies on the dollar and do my best Terry Pegula impersonation.

Owning a professional hockey team would be awesome and $500 million would get the job done.

• If I decided football was a better sporting outlet I’d offer to buy out Ryan Fitzpatrick’s contract just so I could stop getting so mad every time he throws a game-ending interception.

In so doing I would probably add years to my life in spared aggravation. 

• I’d buy Ann Romney another dressage horse to make up for all the times I made fun of it during the campaign.

• I’d cut a check to the Papa John’s owner for $8 million, just to make him shut up about Obamacare. Any restaurant owner who threatens to raise prices on mediocre fare to make a political point would, I’m certain, take the money and run. Then we would all know just how disingenuous that guy is.

Text Only
  • mug - adamczyk.jpg ADAMCZYK: Kenmore is a village made of bricks Buffalo and surrounding environs have brick buildings galore, often in the process of repurpose. Whole neighborhoods made of brick await development, redevelopment, gentrification, whatever wand will be waved at them to make them function again. Structures here tend not to be razed; they fall down occasionally but typically simply stand and wait.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • leffler, scott.jpg LEFFLER: Justice is blind -- and deaf and dumb I've always been intrigued by the concept of justice. I say concept because it really seems more theoretical to me than practical. One man's justice is another man's nightmare.

    April 18, 2014 1 Photo

  • confer, bob.jpg CONFER: Don't go soft on teenage criminals

    April 16, 2014 1 Photo

  • DuVall, Eric mug.jpg For Sabres, more suffering is on tap

    April 15, 2014 1 Photo

  • tucker, barb.jpg TUCKER: Taking down trees 'disheartening' Several readers have questioned the City of Tonawanda's tree removal program. An email to Jenna Koch, who represents the third ward and checks into any query on the city, explained the program.

    April 12, 2014 1 Photo

  • mug - adamczyk.jpg [Duplicate] ADAMCZYK: Letterman was on my side The announcement that Mr. Letterman is retiring from his groundbreaking television program, sometime in 2015, is already old news, but it gives opportunity to ponder a few truisms about history and modern life.

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Leffler Mug 041114 [Duplicate] LEFFLER: 'Need to know' a double-edged sword Inquisitive doesn't begin to describe me. I must know everything. About everything. I hate being in the dark. I guess that's what makes my career choice so very obvious. I think "must know everything" is at the top of most journalists' trait lists.

    April 11, 2014 1 Photo

  • Wallace, Amy BW mug WALLACE: Airplane coverage has gone awry I don't know about you, but I am so sick of the cable news stations' constant coverage of the missing Malaysia Airlines jet.

    April 10, 2014 1 Photo

  • LETTER: NIMAC grateful for NT support

    April 10, 2014

  • DuVall, Eric mug.jpg DUVALL: Making a list, checking it twice Maybe I was thinking about David Letterman's impending retirement. Or maybe it was because my brother posted it to Facebook. I spent a couple hours the other day crafting two top 10 lists, of my favorite books and movies.

    April 9, 2014 1 Photo